I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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