FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
