Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
