I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
