if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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