I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
