Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
