none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do herpes really smell.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
