You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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