I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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