so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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