seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Bring me that man meat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
