Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
