i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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