Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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