I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
