yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
