Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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