I'm passing your future prison.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
