I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
