why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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