I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
