I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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