i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
