is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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