someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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