dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
