I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
