I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
