96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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