btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
