dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
