I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
