Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
