She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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