We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
