Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
