Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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