went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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