All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
