If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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