He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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