Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
