The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
