ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
