They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
