One girl and one boy is just not enough.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
