you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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