Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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