when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
