I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
