What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
