omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
