Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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